I graduate in just a little over two short weeks and that is scary.
School is the only thing that I’ve ever known (that I can remember that is). Granted, I have worked but I’ve always been in school and the places I worked are so simple a monkey could do it (over exaggeration as we frequently had people in who just weren’t cutting it) not a career. I’ve been in school for around 18 years of my life and now it is all coming to an end, possibly forever. School is one thing that I’m better than average at. Now I’m no genius but I do score pretty well on tests and in classes. School comes easy to me and I feel like it has been part of my identity to do well in school but that part of me is ending and while I am excited to move on with my life, it is scary.
Despite having gone to college for four years, I’ve realized I still do not feel qualified. Maybe that is in part because school was so easy for me. I feel like I don’t know enough to hold a position of power in a company but that is what I’m supposed to be applying for. It’s difficult for me. I feel like I’ll make decisions that will screw up entire companies and I’m not sure I want that kind of responsibility. I feel like I won’t be good enough. I am a hard worker, I do things right, and I catch on quickly but starting at the bottom as the newbie is scary. I’ve been with CVS for almost 5 years now and, while I love learning new things, I am scared to not know anything. It isn’t necessarily status that I strive for but I enjoy being good at what I do. I hate feeling like I’m asking too many questions to get something done correctly and that is what you have to do when you start new somewhere. Everything is happening so fast and I wish school made me feel more prepared for this moment.